I really don't want to have a birthday this year. I'll be 46, which is crappy enough on its own, and it's been the worst year of my entire life. I just want it to be over. And I'm kinda torn, because it's my birthday, and I really wish that it could be special, but I also just want it gone. It's a conundrum. And not in a good way. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up and have it be 2010 already. And maybe make this year just a terrible dream. Where the hell is a reset button when you need one?
kd
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Non-Sequitur, Anyone?
Boy, was I absent a while, or what? I love twitter. It's the new blog, and a lot easier, so I'm sorry, but I was cheating on you with twitter. I'd love to tell you it won't happen again, but I think we both know it will. Twitter just does it for me, baby. But we can still be friends. ;)
Let's see...anti-depressants. I've been taking generic Wellbutrin. Aside from the initial placebo effect, it doesn't seem to do much more than give me a vague sense of hope. But that's more than I had before, so I keep taking it. My doc says she'll up my dosage when I prove I can take it 2x a day every day, like I'm supposed to. So I'll be lying and tell her I have been when I go in again at beginning of December. I'm sorry but I just can not remember to take something twice a frigging day. I mean, I can if it doesn't have to be a set amount of time apart - in this case, 12 hours - but scheduling my damn drugs is just not something I can do. It's a serious problem when I have to take antibiotics 3 or 4 times a day. I mean, I have trouble remembering to take my birth control pill, for crying out loud, and that's something I just have to do once a day, at bedtime. Twice a day is really just asking too much. I could take it once a day at a higher dose, and when I was taking 150mg a day, that's what I did, but 150 made me feel twitchy, so neither I nor my doctor felt 200 at a shot was a good idea. So I take 100 twice. When I can remember. Oy.
Still job hunting. Still to no avail. I did send my resume to one woman who then called and said she'd be calling me back to set up an interview, and then nothing happened. It's part-time as a mammogram technician. Oo. Ah. What I'd like to do (assuming nothing really cool is out there) is wait tables. Decent money, part-time, and I can pursue my own stuff, which is really where it's at.
I wish I could figure out a way to make my photography pay. I also wish I could finish a novel and get it published. I was doing NaNoWriMo, but I petered out on what I was working on, mostly because I don't have a clear sense of direction on it, which wouldn't be a problem since that's how I write nearly everything, but this is chicklit, and that's a whole new genre for me. I know the salient points of the story, which I also always do, but I can't figure out how to dress them. Voice is no problem, it's getting from each point to the next that's the sticking point. It's just not telling itself at all. Usually when I write something, it tells itself, and all I have to do is the typing. That hasn't happened for a really long time, which sucks. I just feel empty inside every time I sit down to write. I can't explain it, and it's miserable. I have no fewer than 5 novels in progress, one of them more than halfway finished, and I just can't seem to write anything at all. It's frustrating.
I recently discovered The Bloggess on twitter, and as her name implies, she blogs. Very well. And this is hilarious.
I got a partial crown done 2 weeks ago, and it was hell. I really should blog it on its own, because holy moly. I have 2 more crowns to go, and I can't tell you how much I don't want them done. EVER. And now I have severe TMJ and do not have full range of motion in my jaw. And what I do have is really screwed up. Like Frankenstein screwed up. It is not good. :( I should take a picture, coz you guys will be all, "holy crap, what up with THAT, Katie?" And I'll be all, "yeah."
Know what I wish I had (besides $100 million, I mean)? A working oven. A working drier would be nice, too. Both need new switches, and I'm [this] far away from pulling each of the damned things out from the wall myself and getting in there to tinker, despite having absolutely zero knowledge of repair for either appliance. I NEED AN OVEN, folks. And a drier will be necessary once the cold and rain hit. I despise the laundromat.
My mom is coming here on Thursday and staying with my aunt out in Ontario. She'll be here till next Tuesday and wants us to do stuff like hike Mt. Baldy and go to Knott's Berry Farm. There will probably be dinner at my aunt & uncle's down in San Diego, too. That's a LOT of driving, yo. And time with my mother. I view the weekend with no small amount of trepidation.
Did I mention I'm shopping for dental insurance? My COBRA ends December 31, and since I really can't face having 2 more crowns done between now and then, I really have to buy more coverage so that I can have the last crown done next year sometime. I'm really not kidding you guys that I just can't have 2 done in the next 30 days. And I can't do them both at once, because the old fillings have to be drilled out first, and if you've never had that experience, you don't know what vile is. Seriously. I'll blog it later. You'll shudder. I'm not kidding. It still hurts. :( I'm not sure that dentist was a good dentist. I've never had such a bad dentist experience, but maybe this kind of thing is normal for crowns. You guys will have to let me know.
But for now, I have to go to Kinko's and have some stuff printed for TB.
xo,
kd
Let's see...anti-depressants. I've been taking generic Wellbutrin. Aside from the initial placebo effect, it doesn't seem to do much more than give me a vague sense of hope. But that's more than I had before, so I keep taking it. My doc says she'll up my dosage when I prove I can take it 2x a day every day, like I'm supposed to. So I'll be lying and tell her I have been when I go in again at beginning of December. I'm sorry but I just can not remember to take something twice a frigging day. I mean, I can if it doesn't have to be a set amount of time apart - in this case, 12 hours - but scheduling my damn drugs is just not something I can do. It's a serious problem when I have to take antibiotics 3 or 4 times a day. I mean, I have trouble remembering to take my birth control pill, for crying out loud, and that's something I just have to do once a day, at bedtime. Twice a day is really just asking too much. I could take it once a day at a higher dose, and when I was taking 150mg a day, that's what I did, but 150 made me feel twitchy, so neither I nor my doctor felt 200 at a shot was a good idea. So I take 100 twice. When I can remember. Oy.
Still job hunting. Still to no avail. I did send my resume to one woman who then called and said she'd be calling me back to set up an interview, and then nothing happened. It's part-time as a mammogram technician. Oo. Ah. What I'd like to do (assuming nothing really cool is out there) is wait tables. Decent money, part-time, and I can pursue my own stuff, which is really where it's at.
I wish I could figure out a way to make my photography pay. I also wish I could finish a novel and get it published. I was doing NaNoWriMo, but I petered out on what I was working on, mostly because I don't have a clear sense of direction on it, which wouldn't be a problem since that's how I write nearly everything, but this is chicklit, and that's a whole new genre for me. I know the salient points of the story, which I also always do, but I can't figure out how to dress them. Voice is no problem, it's getting from each point to the next that's the sticking point. It's just not telling itself at all. Usually when I write something, it tells itself, and all I have to do is the typing. That hasn't happened for a really long time, which sucks. I just feel empty inside every time I sit down to write. I can't explain it, and it's miserable. I have no fewer than 5 novels in progress, one of them more than halfway finished, and I just can't seem to write anything at all. It's frustrating.
I recently discovered The Bloggess on twitter, and as her name implies, she blogs. Very well. And this is hilarious.
I got a partial crown done 2 weeks ago, and it was hell. I really should blog it on its own, because holy moly. I have 2 more crowns to go, and I can't tell you how much I don't want them done. EVER. And now I have severe TMJ and do not have full range of motion in my jaw. And what I do have is really screwed up. Like Frankenstein screwed up. It is not good. :( I should take a picture, coz you guys will be all, "holy crap, what up with THAT, Katie?" And I'll be all, "yeah."
Know what I wish I had (besides $100 million, I mean)? A working oven. A working drier would be nice, too. Both need new switches, and I'm [this] far away from pulling each of the damned things out from the wall myself and getting in there to tinker, despite having absolutely zero knowledge of repair for either appliance. I NEED AN OVEN, folks. And a drier will be necessary once the cold and rain hit. I despise the laundromat.
My mom is coming here on Thursday and staying with my aunt out in Ontario. She'll be here till next Tuesday and wants us to do stuff like hike Mt. Baldy and go to Knott's Berry Farm. There will probably be dinner at my aunt & uncle's down in San Diego, too. That's a LOT of driving, yo. And time with my mother. I view the weekend with no small amount of trepidation.
Did I mention I'm shopping for dental insurance? My COBRA ends December 31, and since I really can't face having 2 more crowns done between now and then, I really have to buy more coverage so that I can have the last crown done next year sometime. I'm really not kidding you guys that I just can't have 2 done in the next 30 days. And I can't do them both at once, because the old fillings have to be drilled out first, and if you've never had that experience, you don't know what vile is. Seriously. I'll blog it later. You'll shudder. I'm not kidding. It still hurts. :( I'm not sure that dentist was a good dentist. I've never had such a bad dentist experience, but maybe this kind of thing is normal for crowns. You guys will have to let me know.
But for now, I have to go to Kinko's and have some stuff printed for TB.
xo,
kd
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